Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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