i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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