PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
