Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
