i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
