Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
jump out the window naked night went bad
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
