My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
