I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
