I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
