are you so shy because you have an std?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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