smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
