can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
tell me about the eggs
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