it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you will always have a special place in my vag
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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