oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
