Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
