Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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