I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
