he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
