i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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