I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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