Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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