Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
