I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
