And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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