1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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