I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
