i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
