Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize