rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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