I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
