My underwear smells like fireworks.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
