did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
