wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize