if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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