If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
