Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
