HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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