i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
