i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
