Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
