I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
