She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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