ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
