Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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