Already got asked if we're dating
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
