DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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