hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
