now i know why i became what i already was.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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