Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
