I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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