Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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