My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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