Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
