You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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