we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Even my vagina gasped.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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