she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
