then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
