ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
