You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize