My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
