I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my poor anus
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
