you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
