All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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