is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize