i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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