remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
