Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
