when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
