**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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