My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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