i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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